Saturday, August 05, 2006

The BARD’s GUIDE to ABUSES and AFFRONTS

This is another of my favourite volumes from the ‘loo-library’! Published by Running Press (2001), with wood engravings by John Lawrence, The Bard’s Guide to Abuses and Affronts contains a generous supply of excellent put-downs penned by the man from Stratford-upon-Avon with a quill dipped in vitriol!

If you ever want to tell someone EXACTLY what you think of them, but find yourself lost for words, you could do worse than quote the Bard and here are a few suitably poisonous insults that are possibly worth committing to memory:
That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.
- Titus Andronicus


There is no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
- Henry IV, Part I


The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
- Corialanus


You are like the painting of a sorrow, a face without a heart.
- Hamlet


I was searching for a fool when I found you.

- As You Like It


Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.
- Troilus and Cressida


You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face.
- King Lear


Thou art unfit for any place but hell.
-
Richard III

1 comment:

Cafrine said...

Wow! That's one helpful lil' book you've got there.

If I'd known there was more to the old Bard than sitting through long boring speeches recited by mind-blowingly terrible student actors I might have paid more attention in English. That'll learn me. I've been missing out on years of perfect come-backs and smack-downs.

I plan on using "I was searching for a fool when I found you" whenever I get the chance. Brilliance.